The other side

Robert here.

I've always known that I was set apart to work in the kingdom of God, but had no idea what that meant until the last few years.

In my head, once a person realizes he is 'called' into ministry, in whatever form the Holy Spirit chooses to reveal this 'call,' there are very few options to choose from. I knew right off that I was going to be no good at pastoring, so that option was out. Option number two was youth pastoring; that only lasted a few months, as an interim youth pastor at my home church one summer in college. The last thing was worship leader, but I can't sing, so I took voice lessons and tried to learn the guitar. That also went nowhere. I had exhausted all the 'ministry' position choices that I could think of.

So for a few years, I more or less aimlessly took potshots at what I wanted to do next. I tried music performance, aviation, auto mechanics, photography; nothing fit quite right, even though I found some measure of satisfaction in each. I looked for different churches - that also left me empty. 

Even my newlywed wife, Stephanie, couldn't fulfill my inner need for... something.

My parents hosted a missionary family in our home in Memphis at one point when I was a kid. That memory has always stayed with me, vague as it is. I remember specifically thinking how cool it was that my parents were letting a missionary family stay with us. It couldn't have been very long, but I remember the family.

For some reason, that memory has never left me, nor has the knowledge of a simple fact I felt inside: I can never be satisfied with the American Dream. 

 About age 25, I began to realize, as I worked on commercial aircraft fuel systems on call, that my life was meant for more than I was doing. I would never be satisfied until I was obeying the Lord explicitly. So Stephanie and I made the decision for me to go to Airframe & Powerplant, A&P, school, to get certified to work on airplanes. The Lord continually affirmed His plan for us to work in missions overseas and providentially gave me a classmate, Drew, whose life call was similar (*only he's a pilot. NERD!). 

 I took a somewhat humiliating job at an oil change during school. I say humiliating, because I was making a smudge over minimum wage and was turning oil filter wrenches on cars, after three years of fixing airplanes. 

 I proudly felt supremely overqualified for the job, and quite underpaid. And I thank God for my attitude adjustment! We became very grateful to have any job at all, and praised God every week for having a schedule flexible enough to fit wedding photography in on the weekends. Due to a generous manager, I also received full time insurance and benefits while working part time hours. The Lord blessed what we put our hands to, and we never went without food on the table. Even if it was just noodles and a piece of chicken, He provided. We were learning to depend on Him for everyday things!

Then things got more complex.

This is Edward! We found out that Stephanie was pregnant about halfway through school. As it turns out, having a baby changes a lot of things - the least of which are family relationships!  We began to seriously discuss what to do next, considering the implications of each move, each job, each little thing.

And ultimately the Lord kept showing us that no home, no parent or family, no job, no toy, no thing at all, is worth sacrificing obedience over. We are called to overseas missions, away, I believe, from this country of hard-hearted and stony people that have heard the Good News, or have the chance to. We are called to give up our happy, almost-comfortable life and spend it with a people who need help and need the gospel.

July 16, 2012...Post 1

Stephanie here:
Robert laughed at me, in a loving way of course, when I showed him the blog that I had created for us.  He said "You always want to start a new blog whenever you enter a different phase of life.".  He was right, but this time it's different.  I'm not writing this blog to simply complain or share random information.  WE are writing because we are SOOO passionate about what is going on in our lives and WE want to share that with anyone who wants to read it!
I'm going to try to sum up what the purpose of this blog is with a long story (HA)...
When I was growing up I went to church every Wednesday.  We had a program called GA (Girls in Action).  The purpose of this program was...(I've taken this information from the WMU website.)  "Girls in Action^® (GA^®) is a missions discipleship organization for girls. Every girl in grades 1–6 can be a part of GA! Through GA, girls learn about, pray for, give to, and do missions work. They also make new friends and have lots of fun!"
Every Wednesday I went to GA's, I can't remember a lot of what I learned but there is one particular Wednesday that I have never forgotten.
Mrs. Bonnie handed out cards for missionaries that were currently serving all across the world.  She began to tell us what some of these missionaries did and how some of the names on the cards weren't even real names.  That got me interested and I asked why.  She said "These families were given different names and locations because they are serving in places where it's not safe for them to be christian missionaries.  They may not be able to share their names or locations but they need our prayer."  I just sat there and stared at my card trying to process everything that she said.  I was in shock.  These families looked like my family.  They had given everything to serve God.  I'm not 100% sure what else went on during our class time but I distinctively remember saying before I left that class, "I'm not sure if they'll ever have to change my name but I'm going to be on one of these cards one day, I know it."  I still remember visualizing a little girl sitting in a room like that one looking at the card with my photo on it.  All of that to say that I knew then I was called to be a missionary.
I've know I'm called for a LONG time but I've run with extreme speed in the opposite direction.  The older I've gotten the more I grew to love whats comfortable and fear what following the Lord would mean.  I started to dream of the things that every girls wants...kids, picket fence, husband, nice stuff, etc.  The more I loved those things the less I loved what that little girl in GA's loved.  The more of that stuff I got the less I was willing to give up and the more I was afraid to give up.  I've tried to fill that void with everything you can imagine hoping that it would just go away, that I wouldn't be called anymore.  Never went away.  I allowed my marriage to suffer, my friendships,  my relationship with the Lord, and fear to control everything I did.
Robert and I were really starting to struggle...we met with a couple who we could trust and completely valued their wisdom.  The wife looked at me and said...you have to choose.  I'll leave out specifically what she was referring to but the more I played back her words the more I had to examine my life, my thoughts, and the direction I was moving.  I knew the first thing I had to do was dive into scripture and seek the Lord.  I also started reading a book called "Forgetting God" by Francis Chan.  (amazing book)  Every turn of the page was a new slap in the face and old walls being torn down.  Then finally I read something that changed EVERYTHING...

"Though fear is natural, it's not right.  WE are called to pattern our lives after the Way described in the Bible.  We are not called to fear what following the Way of Jesus may require of us, but that doesn't mean those fears won't crop up.  A life of following Christ requires relinquishing those fears when they do come.  It means refusing to let your fears of what others think, your fears of rejection, keep you from pursuing the truth about the Holy Spirit and whatever else God is teaching and calling you to." (Forgetting God by Fancis Chan)
"As believers we ought to experience this same kind of astonishment when the Holy Spirit enters our bodies. (referring to what a caterpillar must think going from a caterpillar to a butterfly)  We should be stunned in disbelief over becoming a "new creation" with the Spirit living in us.  As the caterpillar finds it's new ability to fly, we should be thrilled over our Spirit-empowered ability to live differently and faithfully.  Isn't this what the scriptures speak of?  Isn't this what we've all been longing for?" (Forgetting God by Francis Chan)

And basically that was it.  I texted Robert those two quotes from the book and told him I was tired of running.  I want to surrender to that call.  I don't think I can even explain the immediate joy, peace, and passion I felt after telling Robert.  I felt like years of depression, sadness, guilt, and fear were swept away.  

This is just the beginning of our journey and there is so much more to share, but I imagine you are tired of reading.  Thank you for taking the time to read this and I ask that you come along side Robert and me with the start of this journey.  We need prayer warriors, strong accountability, and financial support (eventually).

I ask that you pray this scripture over our family.  Colossians 1:9-11